How?

No.

What?

This is a trick question…

Well aren’t you just the sweetest thing! I’m definitely going to go check out your blog now because obviously you have impeccable taste (I’m so modest hahaha)

WEE SNAW I AM GLAD YOU HELPED ME WITH MY KIDNEY STONES THOUGH. You are quite lovely.

And yeah, I’m feeling better. I had to miss a job fair thing tonight, which sucks, because it was invite-only, but it’s better to go a different time than to show up like this, I guess. (“Like this” being “loopy on oxycodone and peeing into a paper cone every five seconds”)

But don’t worry, all the terrible pain I had yesterday is pretty much entirely medicated away at the moment, and the meds won’t be necessary once I get rid of the stone, which should be within the next couple of days. And then I get to bring the thing to my real doctor to figure out why the hell I’m dealing with this when I drink more water than anyone I know! …Seriously though, does anyone know why a dehydration-related affliction would happen to ME of all people?

Anyway I hope I get to see you soon, pookie pie. I really miss you, and Meelz too. You’re busy getting ready for back to school but in a few weeks we’re having our housewarming party/my birthday party and YOU ARE COMING. I want a big party. Everyone should come! Merriment and gaiety!

It’s funny that you don’t know how to spell “conceited”.

I’m glad you asked so many questions! And I can’t wait to ask you some, haha.
Also oh my god JUST SO EVERYONE KNOWS I answered these questions once (probably better than I did this time around) but then my browser crashed and I had to do them again. That’s how dedicated I am to Andi/tumblr! Or, you know, I’m just bored.

12. My last breakup: I don’t really do the “relationship” thing very well. The only times I’ve attempted an actual traditional romantic relationship, it’s always ended messily due to some failing of mine. I think I just put too much emotional energy into my friends/family to be any good at putting one person above everybody else just because we happen to be having sex. Even if I’m completely in love and monogamous, it’s just hard for me to prioritize that relationship as the most important, and I spread myself too thin and people get hurt. I don’t know. My most recent breakup though, was mostly just us growing apart. (And also probably how much I suck, IDK.)

13. What I did yesterday: I headed down the street to Harvard to return some equipment they had me use for this study I’m participating in that they’re giving me $100 for (yay grocery money!) and after than I walked up to the Cambridge public library to enjoy air conditioning and use the internet and admire the gorgeous old books. Eventually I went outside to lay out on the lawn and get some sun and then walked back home to eat hummus and falafel with my new roommate. She had a date later on so, since I will never have a date FOREVER ALONE, I sat in my room watching Are You Afraid Of The Dark and thinking about organizing my stuff (my books are all unpacked and neatly arranged in alphabetical order by author’s last name, but my clothes are just unboxed and in a giant pile on my closet floor) until I took a nap on the air mattress instead of cleaning up. Then my mom came over with my old queen-size mattress which was nice of her but it was awkward because our relationship is very strained right now and she was ignoring my attempts at polite conversation and instead just kept pointing out things that are wrong with my apartment or furniture I need to buy and I was like um stop this, I’m broke, I can’t just goto Ikea…anyway at least my kid sisters came along with her, I hadn’t seen them in months and it was SO NICE to just talk to them and squish their faces I love them so much!

14. My greatest achievements: I honestly thought about this for a while but arrived at the conclusion that unfortunately I don’t think I’ve done much of anything so far that I feel comfortable labeling as my greatest achievement. Other than just surviving through stuff. I guess my main successes are really just bouncing back from my terrible failures, and managing to get back to normal. I used to be such a go-getter. Maybe someday I’ll have actual accolades again or just something to show for my hard work.

15. A description of the person I dislike the most: Unable to take even the most well-intended criticism. Unaware that changing yourself is a good thing, not an admission of weakness. Emotionally manipulative, even without being conscious of it. Wildly intelligent and creatively gifted but completely disinterested in putting in the work to become mentally stable. Unwilling to learn what it takes to use negative emotions in a productive way. (I realize this might sound really hypocritical, since heaven knows I’ve nowhere near mastered the art of turning my fuckedupness into something positive, and my life right now is basically directionless and lacking purpose, but my point is that at least I try. I’m describing a person who can’t be bothered.)

16: My favorite songs right now: I recently downloaded the Black Swan soundtrack (the Clint Mansell original compositions, not the Tchaikovsky score) and the Eyes Wide Shut soundtrack, which are both phenomenal. But as far as individual songs, lately I’ve been digging “Mansion Song” by Kate Nash and the cover that Taylor Swift (I know, I know) did of “White Blank Page” by Mumford & Sons. Also for whatever reason I’m rediscovering my love for the I Am The Avalanche track “New Disaster”.

17, My last kiss: Oh man, do I really have to answer this one? It’s so bad! My friend Taylor and I were wrapping up an evening of drunken debauchery with a 3:30am french fry run at a Lower East Side McDonald’s (standard operating procedure) when she heard two dudes behind us speaking in accents and immediately started chatting them up. One of them was totally her type so I talked to the other one just to be polite. BUT THEN it turned out he was really smart and had good taste in music and was super into me…and he told me how he was a journalism student and had been a big-man-on-campus rugby player in high school back in Australia and I made some joke about him doing a good job of hiding the fact that he was an asshole jock and he said something cute about how the only time he gets really competitive and aggressive is when playing Monopoly. So I asked him if he would like to come back to Brooklyn with me to play Monopoly. (I did not actually have Monopoly there.) And there you go that is the story of my most recent kiss okay the end.

18. What I find attractive: ALL BEARDYS ALL THE TIME. Must have at least some scruff and enjoy wearing flannel and drinking whiskey. Mustaches need not apply. Actually to be fair there is a large chunk of non-beardy bros I crush on, but that’s because they can’t grow facial hair yet. If Justin Bieber shopped at Pac Sun in 2004. Dumbass teenage stoners, is basically what I’m getting at here. As for the ladies, I like badass rockabilly bitches who look like vintage pinups but also look like they could kick your ass. Roller derby girls, basically. Deceptively feminine and curvy. Or else those scrawny boyish girls with bangs on skateboards. Basically what we’ve established in this paragraph is that a significant portion of the people I’m attracted to resemble Justin Bieber in one way or another. In other news, the sky is blue.

7. Favorite book: It’s actually extremely hard for me to pick, the last couple years I’ve sort of flip-flopped back and forth between House of Leaves and A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius. I’d say House of Leaves is better, just AHWOSG has personal significance to me. But House of Leaves truly changed my life. (Also, I’m just assuming graphic novels don’t count as an answer, but for the record anything Alan Moore does is golden. Especially Watchmen.)

10. Favorite animal: Dolphins were my favorite animal for most of my life. My first AIM name was “dolphinsparkles1” (no, really) and every birthday I had, everyone in my family would give me stuff with dolphins all over it. The thing is, I’ve never actually touched a dolphin. And though I would still LOVE the chance to swim with dolphins, it feels fake to say they’re my favorite animal having never interacted with one in person. So then I’d have to say pigs. Pigs are incredibly loyal, much more intelligent than most domesticated pets, and OMGSOCUTE. I want a micropig or teacup pig so badly, but sadly, since my apartment is pretty small and we already have two illegal cats, it’s going to have to wait.

39. What I’m really good at: I think I’m pretty good at mingling in crowds. Like, one of my strengths is that even though I’m pretty self-conscious, and worry about what people think, I’m still really outgoing and if there’s ever a party or something where nobody is really talking to each other, I’m good at fixing that. I’m good at being a mom for people when they’re sick, hungover, or just depressed. I’m a pretty good listener if anyone ever needs someone to talk to. I kick ass at Catch Phrase, Taboo, and Scattergories, and I make awesome guacamole. (Thanks for asking this question, boo. It made me feel temporarily better about myself!)

52. My last incoming text message: “I’m with one of my clients and she said when she sees a really hot guy on the street she says REBLOG!”
My last outgoing text message: “I just saw Nicki Minaj’s nipple and it was a religious experience.”